September 20, 1986

First I want to talk about my mom its now 22 yrs., since her passing. September 20,1986 I remember the day clearly. My mom had 3 beautiful sisters who were there constantly for her and us. Aunt Carmen Aunt Angie and Aunt Nellie....Without them I don't know how I would have made it through. I became or I should say started to become a woman when I first found out mom was sick. I had always thought she would be there my Rock the toughest woman I knew. So I really believed her when she said that she would "fight this cancer" and I think she tried but i think deep down inside that she knew it was too late. I had leaned on my mom so much for everything and when the time came to woman up I did! it was hard but I did it. Other than I had no choice but to grow cuz I had to young daughters at the time There is one other special message I received from my mom after she died. She had tried to write all of us (8 children) a letter but she just ran out of strength.......I was fortunate to be one of the ones she wrote first and I'll tell you why it all started with a doodle I just was so scared at losing her and I just wanted to tell her I love her but she was weak and going through so many body changes I wrote her a little doodle not knowing if she would see it or not and it was a picture of a heart with a smiley face and nest to it i wrote I love you Ma!! but instead periods on the bottom I drew to small hearts........And on Thanksgiving of that year my dad Bill told the lot of us about some letters and he wanted us to know that everyone did not get one and would it be all right with us to give to the ones that she was able to write and we all agreed and I was so surprised when he said my name because I had so much guilt and grief over how I thought I had brought my mom trouble but I guess somehow she knew how I felt although I never said anything about it. Because she told me how much she loved me and for me not to worry about any troubles that i thought i gave her and that all she wanted was for me was to live my life and start living it. And at the top of that page was the heart I drew for her and on the bottom she signed and drew the same heart saying I love you Liz with the 2 exclamation marks that I drew for her................Neeless to say a whole lot of burden was lifted off my shoulders that one Thanksgiving and I just want to say and I know she knows I am living my life mom its so sad without you here but I remember you in everything I do and I so love you!!!